no, gentle reader, i didn't forget you. it's just...since my last update, i haven't changed my clothes.. and here they are:

i know what you're thinking. you're thinking, "get some clothes that fit, stomach monster."
well, let me bullet point something for you:
1. that's why i'm here. put me on tv already.
2. that's not a stomach monster

that skirt is so vile, it not only comes up to my bellybutton, it goes around it. it gives my bellybutton about four inches to spare. everywhere. from waist to knees, no chafing here. no way, not today.

perhaps i should be grateful, as this skirt affords me the opportunity to grow a gigantic pants-boner that's landed me more than my share of honies in the past.

you can see it again here, while i spoof tripping backwards for the sake of blog multientry continuity:
.

recap: gray oversized, overlengthed t-shirt; denim knee length skirt, approximately 3 dress sizes too big; both worn day in, day out until past the point of it being socially acceptable for lack of something more appropriate to don.

until we meet again.

is that blind melon's bee girl? is she crying in the corner because all her friends left her because she's fucking weird and makes everyone uncomfortable and the blind melon guy actually really hated her and no one wants to be turned into a pearl jam song, but especially not a little girl? nice tutu, bee girl.

no, not today! today, that's what i decided to wear. let's get some close ups:


oh, work it, rupaul! but that detail...i can't get it out of my head...what is it?


oh, this old thing? it's a katamari damacy hoodie i embroidered for and TOOK BACK from my (ex)boyfriend when we broke up. imagine! imagine that! what an adult i must be! adult enough to play a video game obsessively enough to choose an obscure character add-on to embroider into a sweatshirt! the real surprise is having had a boyfriend to give it to! HA!


no denouement today, people. it's all climax here. today, while trying to explain in photograph that i was wearing stretch pants not on accident, and trying to demonstrate the mobility afforded by these pants, i actually fell over. you can see that i am shocked. it was shocking.

so, that's a novelty embroidered video game hoodie, a houston boy scouts t-shirt, and black stretch pants that, yes, readers, are capri length. and this is not because i had no time to get dressed. these aren't even my pajamas. this is what i chose to wear after dilligently searching for the best possible outfit out of all possible outfit combinations known to man and known to my man-closet.

and this is only day one.

introduction

first of all, i'm incredibly, incredibly poorly dressed.

second of all, i yearn for internet celebrity above all else.

you mash those bananas up, and the results are bittersweet. my friends are sick of being embarrassed in public, but they are more sick of my constant nag to nominate me for what not to wear. i would even settle for a poor style network substitute at this point, because marginal celebrity is better than no celebrity at all. regardless, the network gods have not yet smiled upon me (and i do not know why), so this blog takes matters into my own hands.

everyday, i will post what idiotic outfit i've picked out, attempt to explain why i picked it, and then make fun of myself until i cry. i will do this until i am famous. that's final.

-lauren